random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
