I can't breathe out the right side of my face
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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