I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
