just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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