Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
