How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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