So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
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