I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
