I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
