help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
