I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
