Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
