butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
