just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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