2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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