he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
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