I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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