i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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