lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
