this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
