so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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