When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
