Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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