If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
