i wish starbucks made bloody marys
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
