I wanna passion pit in your ass
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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