Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
