I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
