is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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