so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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