You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
