I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
