Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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