everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I think a kid would responsible me up
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
