hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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