Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
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Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
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You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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