So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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