Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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