I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
