I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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