Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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