When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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