He is an equal opportunity slut.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
