his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
