In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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