a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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