they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
