i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
