you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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