she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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