i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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