I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
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I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
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Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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