all she had left on were here heels. phone five
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
