We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just found puke in my bra..
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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