I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize