it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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