How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
