Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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