So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
