I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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