There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
