True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
