please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
